as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize