I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize