i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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