Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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