just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
