This is not my ceiling
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
