The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
