i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
