my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
