Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
