i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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