hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
