i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
