Already got asked if we're dating
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
