Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
