No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i drank out of a bidet.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
