Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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