oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
