yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
