I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
