Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
