Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
