ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
