I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
