So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
