I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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