Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
