Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
