Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
