I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
