Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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