I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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