2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
