Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
