I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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