u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
