Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
