I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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