Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
