Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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