She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Vodka?
Forever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
