everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
