Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
