if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
