Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
