you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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