shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
