i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
