I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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