their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
