I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
