umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
