this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize