i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
