In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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