Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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