he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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