OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
