how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
