were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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