I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
