We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize