Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
