i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
