Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
