I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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