am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
