I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize