you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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