Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
People in love make me want to vomit
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
