You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
