i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
