I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
