your thong is hanging out like whoa
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize