Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
