this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
