I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
