good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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