Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
