Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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