The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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