I'm so fucking centered right now
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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