I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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