in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
