I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you had me at cake vodka
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
