just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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