I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
