I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
