it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
