and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
