so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize