If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need a burrito and a hug.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
