If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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