did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
