I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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