She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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