real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
