I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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